Sharks brag about Chuck Norris Bite scars
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
Chuck Norris played Rock Paper and Scissors in front of a mirror and won.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was canceled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris made stevie wonder flinch
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.
Chuck Norris stared at the sun... the sun went blind.
Chuck Norris once drowned a guy, in the Sahara desert
Chuck Norris is the only man that knows how to delete the Recycle Bin .
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade, it killed 50 people. THEN it blew up.